Clues for the Clueless: Comportment at public events

At a public speech should I:

• fall asleep near the podium and snore loudly? No
• feast on duryan and limberger cheese? No
• carve a dolphin out of a log with a chainsaw? No
• bring a case of bottles to smash with a hammer? No
• drive onto the stage in a car with the alarm wailing? No
• show up with a baby that might cry? No

But then you already knew that, didn't you?

(Those of you who answered "No" to that last question please stay at home.)